Like most of my attempts to lose weight in the past, my most recent attempt has had its ups and downs.  Actually, I think it’s safe to say that this one has had more “downs” than “ups”.  That being said, I am feeling another big boost of motivation today and am ready, once again, to climb back onto the bandwagon.

One difference between my past adventures in getting healthy, and this one, are some of my reasons for doing so.  Of course, wanting to look better is always near the top of the list, but more than ever, wanting to feel better is as much a motivation as anything.

I know I’m not exactly old (as much as my husband likes to tease me that I am!) but I definitely can feel changes in my body that come with being in my mid-30s.  Having been substantially inactive for the last year or so definitely hasn’t helped.  In fact, it’s led to a lot of minor aches, pains, and stiffness that I’ve never felt before.  Getting up after sitting on the floor sure isn’t pretty anymore, and I’m so out of shape, that I can barely go for a fast-paced walk without getting out of breath.

In addition to that, I’ve really noticed this time around, the mental and emotional challenges of not being active.  The longer I sit around, being lazy, the more I want to sit around and be lazy.  Then I feel crummy and guilty.  But even the guilt is not enough motivation to get myself up off the couch.  So I try self-loathing instead.  That doesn’t work either and before I know it, I’m caught in a vicious cycle of terrible self-esteem and just wanting to give up altogether.

But all that is going to change.  It’s going to change because I am not a lazy, self-loathing, unenergetic type of person.  I am determined, I have drive, I have a self love that is dying to come out.

Today, I am feeling a rejuvenated sense of motivation.  I am inspired to make my body (and my mind) strong again.  I want to challenge and push myself to places that will surprise even me.  Last time I took this journey, I ended up running 10k marathons. Running was something I had tried in the past, but had always failed miserably at. I was convinced I’d never be a runner.  And then I learned to run.  I began with one measly minute and continued to surprise myself as I was able to tack on more and more time.  When I competed in my first 10k race in 2011 I felt like I’d climbed to the top of an insurmountable mountain.

That feeling of victory, of confidence, of self-pride, of genuine happiness when you reach goals you never thought you’d accomplish, is exhilarating.  I miss that feeling.  I want that feeling again.

So this time around, while I can still admit that I want to wear cute clothes and bikinis and tight dresses again, I’ve found a new inspiration that I think will stick.

My motivation comes from wanting my body and mind to be healthier and stronger.  I want to be an inspiration to others again.  I want to feel proud of myself again.  I want to meet goals and reap the rewards.

I want to feel victorious.

Strangely, this new source of motivation came to me today while watching the Blue Jays game.  It was Marcus Stroman Bobblehead Day so they were featuring the young, rookie pitcher who was supposed to have been the Jays’ big star this year.  Unfortunately, Stroman drastically injured his knee in spring training, had to undergo surgery and may be out of the game for the entire 2015 season.

But what inspired me about Stroman is his determination, dedication, and never-ending positivity.  While others may have let devastation and disappointment consume them, Stroman is using his time off to work harder than ever to make himself an all-around better player and person.  He is attending Duke University, is just months away from obtaining his sociology degree, and is working his butt off in rehab with hopes of returning to the Jays this fall.

I’ve been following Stroman on Instagram for some time now, and his outlook is incredibly inspiring.  Although he’s had major setbacks, his smile is as big as ever and his focus is sharper than ever.  More than ever, he’s determined to make his dreams come true, and he’s not letting anything get in his way.

So I’m taking a lesson from Stroman, and I’m making the choice (again!) to put in the hard work, determination, and dedication it will take to meet my fitness goals. I know it will take time (as it did before), and I know there will be ups and downs, but  I’m excited to get back in the game.  I’m eager to be strong, to set and reach goals, and ultimately, to be victorious.