My Personal Reasons To Exercise: What Are Yours?

August 18, 20173 Comments

Over the years, I have tried many different types of exercise ~ running, Zumba, yoga, weight lifting, rollerblading, walking, biking, cardio classes, dance, cross-country skiing, soccer, baseball, plyometrics, home DVDs… the list goes on!

But when it came to why I exercised, I only ever saw it as a means to an end – a way to lose weight. For most of my adult life I have battled my weight and I learned early on that exercise is a key component to any weight loss endeavour. So throughout all those years, and many different types of exercise, I always had one goal in mind – If I do this, I will lose weight and if I lose weight I will look better.

Sure, sometimes I also told myself that exericse would make me feel better too, but I don’t think I ever truly paid attention to what that meant.

Until recently…

This past winter was the first time in my thirty-six years of life that I ever realized there is far more to exercise than simply being a tool to lose weight (nevermind the fact that there are far more important things to our health than simply losing weight – that’s another blog all on it’s own) This past winter was about the third year in a row where I noticed a marked difference in my mental state. As late fall/ winter rolled around, along with it came a dark cloud over my head. I lost my normal ambition and positive mindset, and felt unmotivated, anxious, and very, very exhausted all the time. I hated how I felt and it dragged on for months – until summer rolled around.

At one point though, it started to become clear to me that just as my mood and mental state could be linked to the poor weather, it could also be linked to my lack of exercise. Since then I’ve been doing more research and am reminded again and again that there are myriad reasons to exercise – and that some are far more important in our lives than the size of our waistline!

A couple of the people I have learned this from best are my former Beachbody coach Melanie Watson and a wonderful lady I follow on Instagram (Check her out: moms.can.be.fit – she is such an inspiration!) Both of these incredible woman are constantly preaching the real reasons to work out ~ not just to lose weight (although that can certainly be a positive side effect) but to have the right kind of mindset that will get us through life! Plus, so many other reasons that help us to achieve overall vibrant health.

With this, I started to consider my own personal reasons for working out. Although I still have weight to lose, this alone hasn’t been enough to motivate me to exericse lately (yes, I’d like to lose some weight but at the same time, I’m sort of comfortable with the weight I am now. Also, I’ve been trying really hard not to focus on my “weight” and to focus on my health so this could be why too….).

But what got me started back to exercising this morning, after being off again for a couple of weeks, was the realization that just around the corner is back-to-school/ work! Whether I like to admit it or not, I am about to enter a season where the lazy days of summer are going to come to an abrupt end and our days will be filled to the max with schedules, work, and responsibilities. (I’m also preparing myself for a challenging year as I will have thirty sixth-graders which is the most kids I’ve ever had in a class!)

I know that the best way for me to handle the upcoming challenges of back-to-school/work (combined with some other challenges happening in our personal lives), is to get into a regular workout routine. That led me to start thinking about all my personal reasons for working out. You’ll see that losing weight is on the list but there’s now so much more to it than that. I hope that when I feel the urge to skip a workout or fall off the wagon next time, I can look to this list to keep myself on track!

My Personal Reasons To Exercise

1. Happy endorphins!

2. Mental clarity and focus!

3. To feel proud of myself!

4. Mental strength!

5. Positive mindset!

6. To gain physical strength and to feel strong!

7. So I don’t feel lazy! (A feeling I loathe)

8. It motivates me to make better food choices!

9. It gives me way more energy ~ I hate the feeling of constant exhaustion!

10. To lose and/or maintain weight

11. To overcome challenges (see: mental focus!)

12. To prove to myself that I can do what I couldn’t do before ( physically and/or mentally)

13. To make some things in life easier (ie. climbing stairs, walking long distances on hot/humid days)

14. To be overall healthy, vibrant, and positive!

15. To have confidence!

16. To look good in cute clothes!

17. To like what I see in the mirror!

18. To feel accomplished!

19. To be an inspiration to others!

20. To be an inspiration to myself!

Are there other reasons you would add to this list? I’d love to hear them!

Consistency is Key: Perfection is Impossible

July 26, 20171 Comment

I am feeling very upset with myself tonight. Frustrated and angry would more accurately describe it. I just got back from another failed run. I picked running back up earlier this summer and while some days of my new training program have been awesome, some have been really, really hard. Today happened to be one of the hard ones. I was supposed to do a combined total of 34 minutes of running and about 18 minutes of walking (including warm-up and cool-down) but I didn’t even make it through half of the run before my body just couldn’t do it.

And while I know that this is just the way training goes (some days are good, some days are not), I’m also feeling frustrated because I know this is mostly my fault. It’s no surprise that my body could not perform optimally tonight (as badly as I wanted it to), when I haven’t been taking care of it nutritionally.

Several months ago, I was put on a fairly restrictive nutrition plan by my naturopath. The initial reasons for doing so were to heal my ulcerative colitis, overcome the extreme fatigue I’d been having, and to lose weight in a healthy way. After doing food sensitivity and blood testing, my naturopath eliminated the following from my diet: wheat/gluten, dairy, sugar, corn, peanuts, chickpeas, and cane sugar. It was discovered that I have a high amount of yeast in my gut (causing too much bad bacteria which causes my inflammation and ulcers) so she also put me on a yeast therapy treatment and gave me strict instructions to drastically cut back on sugar (which feeds the growth of yeast). I was also put on a hemoglobin supplement (my low hemoglobin would be one cause of my extreme fatigue and probiotics which would help boost healthy bacteria in the gut.

For a good while, I stuck pretty faithfully to this plan (with only a few minor cheats here and there) and took my supplements and treatments regularly. I saw almost immediate results – my boating and gas went down drastically, energy levels went up slightly, even my skin got clearer.

But, over the last few weeks I have lost my way. It started when we went on vacation and I told myself I could have more “treats”, but since coming home over a week ago, I just can not seem to get back on my nutrition plan. In fact, I shamefully admit I have gone completely off of it. I’ve been eating everything that hurts my body (white bread, bagels, crackers, peanut butter, tons of sugar, ice cream, cheese, fast food….) The hard thing is, I don’t know why I do this because nearly every time I do, I become consumed with guilt. I tell myself I shouldn’t have it but I do anyway, and then I feel badly. I tell myself I will eat healthier at the next meal, and then I don’t. I buy healthy foods when I go grocery shopping, but then they go back on my counter while I eat junk instead. And since my UC symptoms haven’t been drastic lately, it’s been easier for me to say “f*&$ it” and consumer whatever junk I want.

So it shouldn’t have came as a surprise that when I set out for my run tonight, I was battling some indigestion and my stomach was bloated. And when I started the running intervals, I felt like I was carrying a load of bricks around my middle. I felt heavy and sluggish. On top of that, since the weather was overcast, I had way underestimated the humidity and was sweating within minutes. Guys, I loathe being hot. Yes, I know you’re supposed to sweat when working out, but humidity just kills me!

Needless to say, about halfway through my run, I gave up and walked the rest of the way. I instantly felt hot tears of frustration welling in my eyes. The negative self-talk started up as I blamed myself for eating poorly and for not being able to fulfill the run I had hoped to do.

Maybe I am just not cut out for running, I thought. I’ve been dreading all my runs lately anyway. Maybe I am better off just being fat and out of shape. This is your fault, you should have known better…. Maybe I need to get a modified program, this one is too hard. All you did was eat carbs and sugar all day and you thought you could get away with it! You know better! What were you thinking?! You should have known this would catch up to you eventually!

But fortunately, my only saving grace tonight was that I’ve been working really hard on overcoming negative thoughts with positive ones. Sure, that harsh, judgemental, “you’re-not-good-enough-and-never-will-be” voice immediately piped up in my head, but then moments later so did the inner voice I like to think of as “my friend”.

Today is just not your day but not every day will be perfect. Forgive yourself. Yes you haven’t been making the best food choices but you can change that. It’s okay. You win some and you lose some, next time will be better. You are going to keep trying. Consistency will get you where you want to be. You can do it, don’t give up on yourself. Make one or two small changes every day and you will get there. Don’t give up.

And thankfully this positive, encouraging inner voice took over (and just so you know, I have to make a real effort for the positive voice to over-power the negative one, it’s not easy) because now I have had some time to reflect and to see that perfection is impossible but consistency is key and it’s never too late to get back on track.

What I have learned is that I need to remind myself why I started this nutrition plan in the first place. It wasn’t primarily to lose weight as I’ve been thinking of it lately (and somehow I had foolishly convinced myself that I can “cheat” with my food as long as I am working out and won’t gain weight… even though I know that’s not the truth!) The real reason I started this plan was to optimize my health. Even though, I am not currently experiencing the severe symptoms of ulcerative colitis, I am definitely starting to notice some of the warning signs since I have been eating poorly again. I’ve had far more gas and bloating lately, and am even starting to get bouts of indigestion again (something that I used to get so badly that I was taken to the hospital in the ambulance a few times because I thought I was having a gall bladder attack!) And while my energy levels have been better lately, I know that is primarily because it’s summer (which means I’m off work and it’s sunny alot!) If I were working and eating this way, I’d be feeling sluggish, tired, or even depressed. I know that if I clean up my diet, I will start to feel better. My bloating will go down (one step closer to a flat stomach!) and the digestive pain and discomfort I have will go away. My skin will clear, my energy levels will continue to increase, and it will get easier and easier to maintain the positive attitude that is so important to a journey of good health.

So although I may be feeling frustrated and angry with myself, I am grateful tonight that I know not to beat myself up (for too long anyway, haha!) and to take this as a learning experience. It’s time to put my health (in particular my gut health) at the forefront again and to know that some days just aren’t my day, but that there’s always tomorrow and that I WLL NOT GIVE UP on my goals!

Trials and Triumphs

April 16, 20172 Comments

In a follow-up to the post I wrote yesterday about my new-found passion for health and wellness, I wanted to share with you something I have been experiencing for the last week or so.

Two weeks ago, I decided to fully jump back on the “eating right and exercising” bandwagon (yep, story of my life!) I am kind of following the 21 Day Fix program, although I am not using the coloured containers. I am using the food lists as guides and trying to reduce the amount of wheat, dairy, sugar, unhealthy fats, and processed foods I am eating. I am doing the 21 Day Fix workouts although the program suggests you work out every day, and I have admittedly skipped a day here or there.

The first week was fantastic. My motivation was high, I was eager to learn, and I jumped in with both feet. I did meal prep, journalled all my meals, and even tried to make the best choices when I was out of town for a 3-day work conference. But here we are at the end of Week 2 and wow, it’s been tough.

Like so many others in today’s society, I have a major sugar addiction. If it’s sweet, I love it. If it’s white and carb-y, I love it. For months, I subsisted on a diet of pizza, bagels, pasta, and fries. Yum. But the entire time I was devouring those delicious foods, I knew that they were not only wreaking havoc on my physical body, but on my health overall.

It’s been brought to my attention lately just how badly unhealthy foods can affect us. I have started learning and doing some research about holistic nutrition and when I heard that unhealthy foods can also cause mental health problems, mood swings, and skin problems (just a few examples), it was like a light bulb clicked.

For months, I struggled with depression, lack of motivation, extreme fatigue, and just overall feeling terrible. My colitis has flared up leaving my stomach bloated and gassy and causing frequent trips to the bathroom. I am so fed up. Now I am finally starting to understand that my food choices directly affect everything related to my health – whether it be physical health, mental health, emotional health, or spiritual health.

So all the more reason, to get educated and to try to make some serious changes in my life. As previously mentioned the first week was pretty easy. I was highly motivated and eager to get started. But this past week, has been a little bit like a drug addict coming off drugs.

First of all, the cravings I’ve had for carbs and sugar have been mad crazy, especially in the evening. When the day’s work is done, and I finally sit down to relax, the thought of anything carb-y consumes me – PB & J sandwiches…. big ol’ bag of chips…. pudding cups…. ice cream…. let’s be honest, anything.

On top of that, I have been experiencing crazy mood swing, most of which have made me irritable, resentful, sad, and just downright, miserable. My brain has been screaming at me, angry with me for not feeding it the junk I normally feed it. I get mad and ask myself why this has to be so hard? Maybe I should just give up? I could go grab a bowl of sugary cereal right now. Screw it! I think. I feel down in the dumps, frustrated, and sad. A couple of times this weekend I have burst into tears for no apparent reason except that I feel like total and utter crap. Thank goodness, my sweet and supportive husband has been by my side to talk me through it and to encourage me along. Because of him, and because of the inkling of determination that still exists inside of me, I am thrilled to say I’ve mostly overcome these tough battles.

The good news is that I am learning. I know recognize that these physical cravings and mood swings (oh and the raging headache I had last night) are my brain’s way of trying to trick me into feeding it the crap it so desperately wants. And my logic tells me that if I just keep fighting and pushing past it, eventually I will overcome this hurdle and come out stronger on the other side.

So now I am focussed on one day at a time. I am going to continue to educate myself about what fuels and energizes my body from the inside out, and what turns it into a sugar-addicted, miserable monster. I know it won’t be easy, but at least my determination is still high.

Eyes Wide Open: Discovering My Personal Passion

April 15, 2017Leave a comment

Recently at a professional book club meeting, the topic of passion came up. One of the questions was what are you passionate about personally? The question kind of took me by surprise because I had always related passion to work. When you are growing up and planning your future, you always hear the advice “Find something you are passionate about and then figure out how to make a job out of it.” For me, teaching is definitely one of my passions. And just recently I’ve recognized some things that have driven my level of passion with teaching sky-high (another blog post on that coming soon!) But when I was asked “What are you passionate about in your personal life?” I was really taken aback – what am I passionate about?

Of course, the most natural of answers came to me right away – I’m passionate about my family, about spending time with loved ones, and making sure they are taken care of. But is that really a passion? Sure, I care immensely about my family, but what interests do I have that excite me, inspire me, light a fire within me on a daily basis?

My colleague suggested my love for the Toronto Blue Jays. I am definitely a huge fan. I watch games religiously on television, attend as many games as I can throughout the summer, and proudly wear my Jays gear whenever given the opportunity. I can name all the players, know what position they play, and know the basic stats. But I don’t live for the Toronto Blue Jays. It’s an interest but it doesn’t create a burning desire inside of me. Watching the Jays doesn’t inspire me, it’s more just like a really enjoyable passtime.

So what is my passion? I started to think about things I am good at and enjoy doing. I know, I thought, my passion is writing! It’s true I’ve had many fantasies about making a living as a writer – spending my days in a quiet room, alone, sipping flavoured coffee, and lighting my keyboard on fire as thoughts and ideas come flowing out of me and onto the screen. I do feel I express myself best in writing. I do get great satisfaction from writing blog posts and putting my ideas into words. But is it my passion?

I started thinking of a passion as that one thing you can’t stop thinking about. It permeates your life every single day. It makes you feel excited, inspired, thoughtful… but sometimes overwhelmed, confused, and scared. Then it hit me! I think I know what my passion is…..

Health and Wellness!

For years, I have been interested in health and wellness. For the most part, I have been interested in health as it relates to weight-loss. The story of my adult life is that I am consistently trying to lose weight or maintain a weight loss. I am constantly seeking out the right plan to follow that will help me to look and feel great. But more recently, the idea of health and wellness has evolves into something different. Yes, I still want (and need) to lose weight. But more importantly, I have recently become more interested in simply making myself healthy.

This has stemmed predominantly from my diagnosis a few years ago with ulcerative colitis. I consider myself lucky in the fact that my colitis is fairly mild compared to some others. Most of my symptoms include bloating, a lot of foul-smelling gas, indigestion, diarrhea and constipation. At it’s worst, I’ve also experience severe abdominal pain that has landed me in the emergency room. I’ve also experienced severe urgency that has disrupted my workdays and interfered with social activities.

What I didn’t realize until recently though, was that some of the other symptoms I’ve been having could be directly related to the inflammation in my gut. I’ve had excema, skin problems, achy joints, headaches, extreme fatigue, and mood swings. These things are all symptoms of inflammation (mind blown!)

My most latest motivation to get back on the “healthy eating/exercise bandwagon” has been not only to lose weight, but to heal my gut and to feel better overall. I am tired of being tired. I am fed up with the mood swings (irritability, crankiness, anger, sadness). I want to feel energized, positive, and happy – every day, all of the time!

This has inspired me to start a kind of “new” health journey. In order not to overwhelm myself (which can happen so easily), I have decided to focus on nutrition and making better food choices, not only for weight loss, but also as a means to heal my body from the inside out. I am slowly starting to learn about whole foods, natural ingredients, eliminating sugar, processed foods, wheat, and dairy, eating more plant-based foods, and feeding my body so that I can feel energetic, vibrant, and strong rather than bloated, tired, and irritable!

I have chosen nutrition because there are SO many areas of health and wellness that if I jump into too much of it, I will totally overwhelm myself and may give up altogether. But that’s not to say I am not dabbling and looking into other areas of health and wellness (mindfulness, meditation, exercise, to name a few). I am so enthusiastic about this topic that it’s actually kind of hard to rein myself in but I do have to remember that it’s a HUGE learning process. Lord knows, I have a LOT to learn. But the most important part is, I am not only open and willing to educating myself, I am so excited to do it! I have this strong natural urge, this passion burning inside of me that wants to know all I can about how to live the best life I can!

Whether it’s articles, videos, books, websites, social media pages, internet sources, or people… if it has to do with health and wellness I am interested! Here are just some of the topics that have grabbed my attention, that I’ve experimented with, researched, read about, or thought about so you can get the idea of how interested I really am!

Nutrition – gluten-free, elimination diets, anti-dairy, the wheat belly diet, holistic approaches, Weight Watchers, eliminating sugar, processed foods, 21 Day Fix (Beachbody), Shakeology, supplements, anti-inflammatory foods, recipes, plant-based foods, whole foods, Paleo diet…..

Fitness – going to the gym, walking, running, yoga, 21 Day Fix, home workouts, Tai Chi, pilates, weight lifting, heavy lifting, CrossFit, Pure Barre, ballet, dance, hiking, paddling, skiing, baseball, soccer….

Spiritual/Mental Wellness – mental health illnesses/conditions, mindfulness, mindful vs. Mind full, coping with stress, anxiety, depression, yoga, meditation, self-care routines, prayer, journaling, grounding techniques, therapy/counselling…

Wellness – natural self-care products, natural cleaning products, environmental factors, essential oils, sleep, balance, self-care, time spent in nature, self-help books, self improvement, positive thinking, mindset

No matter what it is whenever one of these topics comes up, I find myself wanting to know more. I ask questions, I think, I reflect, I analyze, I read, I consider… and most of all, I get so excited and so emotional! If that doesn’t describe a person passion, I am not sure what does!

Just Do It: Doing the Work Even When I Don’t Feel Like It

March 14, 2017March 15, 2017Leave a comment

Ok guys, after months and months of being in a “slump” and feeling like I will never successfully get back on my weight loss journey, I finally feel like I’m about to make a comeback! It’s all thanks to my Beachbody coach Melanie Watson who reached out to me and introduced me to author/ motivational speaker/ media personality Mel Robbins. But before I get into that, let me tell the story from the beginning.

Back in early January, like so many others I made the resolution to get back on track with my weight loss journey. After years of doing Weight Watchers, I decided to shake things up and signed up with Beachbody. I started using the containers of the 21 Day Fix program and purchased Beachbody On Demand so I could workout whenever I wanted in my basement. I easily found the Beachbody community online – literally hundreds, maybe even thousands, of other people trying to do the exact same thing I was trying to do. It was online that I found and “met” my coach Melanie Watson. Melanie seemed to “get” my struggles right away and had experienced many of them herself! At the time, I was struggling with the winter blues, mild depression, and a major lack of motivation to do anything. Despite being a complete stranger, Melanie seemed to know me so well and understood all my goals – plus she had the tools to get me there. I signed up to her Facebook groups and followed her on Instragram eager to be successful. But after about the first month, things started sliding and I lost my motivation. The winter blues were overwhelming and nights on the coach won over working out in my basement. Carb-heavy, comfort food beat out nutritious and heart-healthy meals. I started to tell myself that all the hard work and sacrifices it took to lose weight weren’t worth it. Life was too short not to eat sweets. I should just learn to love myself the way I am. Maybe for the first time in my adult life I could not be on a diet program and actually just learn to accept myself. But something deep inside me, an inner voice (or as Mel Robbins’ would call my inner wisdom) was still there. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that I could feel satisfied, fulfilled and confident without losing weight, my inner wisdom was telling me differently. But still, nothing changed. I still consumed calorie-rich foods all day long and snuggled into the couch as soon as humanly possible after work. Every day I thought about working out but talked myself out of it within seconds. I knew what I had to do to lose weight (and had all the programs and supports imaginable) but I still wasn’t doing it.

But the inner voice continued to talk. I considered emailing Melanie. By this point, I had completely turned my back on the Beachbody program. I had unfollowed some of the groups online and began to feel resentful towards the cheery messages of success others were sharing in the groups. I even contemplated unfollowing Melanie’s profile. I was feeling so overwhelmed by all the messages about what I knew I had to do, but still, did not feel like doing. Then, last week, Melanie reached out to me. I was shocked but so pleasantly surprised. Although she had been so good to me previously, I had assumed I was just another “customer” helping to grow her business. But by reaching out to me after weeks of not hearing from me or seeing my posts in group, Melanie proved that she actually wants me to be successful I immediately responded, openly expressing to her the struggle I had been experiencing. I wrote about not being in the right “mindset” to get started and how I’d been struggling for months to get there. This is when Melanie gifted me with the invitation to check out Mel Robbins’ work. As I mentioned earlier, Robbins is a media personality, motivational speaker, and author. She wrote The Five Second Rule which I am currently devouring and taking copious notes from. The minute I read Melanie’s email, I started obsessively watching Robbins’ videos on YouTube and spent my two-hour drive yesterday listening to her podcasts. It is like Mel Robbin’s was living inside my head. So much of what she has to say is exactly what I have been struggling with for months! And the fact that Melanie knew to suggest her work to me blows my mind even more. How can a complete stranger know just what I needed?!

So what is this Five-Second Rule and why am I so excited about it? As I mentioned, I just started reading the book to fully understand the concept but I am so excited by it that I felt I had to write a blog post right now. Here are some of the main principles I’ve taken from Robbins’ work so far including how they relate to my life.

1. You will never feel like doing it, you have to do it anyway. Robbins speaks about the notion that we all know what we should do. And we know how to do it. For example, the Weight Watchers program (which I have been a member of for years), or the Beachbody program tell you exactly how to lose weight. But yet I don’t do it. Why not? Because I don’t feel like it. Robbins’ says that we’ll never feel like it but that we have to just start doing it anyway. That’s why she says motivation is garbage. Because we will never truly feel like doing things in the moment that we should.

2. The Five Second Rule In a nutshell, the five second rule is a theory that you can train your brain to listen to your inner wisdom and do what you know you have to do, rather than hold yourself back from doing it. It’s kind of like the Nike slogan Just Do It (which Robbins also refers to in the book). Robbin’s tells of her personal struggles and how she discovered that by simply counting down 5-4-3-2-1 you can distract your brain and refocus on doing what you need to do.

3. Get out of your own head. Robbins says that our inner wisdom is constantly telling us what we should do to lead a healthier, happier, fulfilled, and satisfying life but that we have the habit of talking ourselves out of following through on these ideas. As soon as we start thinking about the idea too much, we easily and effortlessly talk ourselves out of it. The magic of the Five Second Rule is that we can change that!

4. Your have to parent yourself. I love where Robbins talks about how no one tells us when we become an adult that now we are going to have to parent ourselves. When we are kids, our parents are there to tell us no. They are there to make sure we do the things we are supposed to do. As adults, there is no one to do that, so we have to do it ourselves. We have to learn to tell ourselves no and to do the work even when we don’t want to.

All this being said, I want to recognize that I probably just did a terrible job of summarizing some of Robbins’ main ideas. Also, please take into consideration my other disclaimer – I just started reading the book. I know I have just scraped the surface of some of this woman’s amazing ideas! I can’t wait to learn more.

But more importantly, I feel like I have been given a tool that is finally going to get me out of this slump that I’ve been in. I’ve spent all winter making excuses for myself, talking myself out of doing the work, holding myself back, trying to convince myself that I could be happy without losing weight. Now I see that I need to get out of my own head. I always overthink everything and I’ve been overthinking my weight loss journey for years. What I am starting to see now is that I will never truly be ready so why am I still waiting? Just last week, I wrote to Melanie that I needed to be in the right “mindset” before I could get started! What I see now is that by just doing it, by just getting started, the actions I need to take will put me in the right mindset! Most importantly, what I see now is that making change is hard work and our brain is pre-wired to protect ourselves from hard work. Our brain doesn’t want us to be uncomfortable. Therefore, it will try to talk me out of everything that I need to do in order to lose weight successfully. Also, I am never going to feel like doing the things I know I should do (eat healthfully, plan meals, go for a run, workout) but I just have to put on my big girl panties and do it anyway. After all without hard work, there is no reward. So instead of thinking about things, I have to just start doing. And the best way to do that (according to both Robbins’ and coach Melanie), is to do it one day at a time. Every time my instinct kicks in to do something healthy, I have to get my ass in gear and do it before my mind takes over and talks me out of it! I have to parent myself, tell myself no, and just do what needs to be done. The best part of all this is if I do the actions that I need to do, the positive, happy, self-loving mindset that I thought I needed to get started, will develop all on it’s own! Wow!

One last thing about all this. I couldn’t help but think of a Weight Watchers leader I had years ago. At the time, I knew I loved her approach, I just didn’t understand why. Every week at our regular meeting, she would tell us what we had to do. “Eat your fruit and vegetables.” “Drink your water”. “Move every day”. Now I realize that her no-nonsense approach is what helped me to be so successful. She didn’t give us a choice. She didn’t give us time to think about things, she simply told us to Just Do It.

My Newest (and most Important) Reason to Get Healthy!

December 11, 20161 Comment

I feel like I’ve made a revelation of sorts recently. In fact, it’s one that’s so huge, I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to figure it out. It seems like something I should have realized years ago, but somehow I missed the boat. It’s taken me almost twenty years to realize this:

Nutrition and exercise are directly related to mental health.

As I said, it seems so obvious that I can’t believe I never really saw or understood that before. I mean, sure I’ve read it and heard it, but it’s never hit home for me until now.

For me, losing weight was always about looking good. It was about trying to meet some kind of ideal of “healthy” and “thin” which I always, always linked with beautiful, sexy, successful. For years the desire to be those things was enough to make me want to lose weight. But something has shifted in my life and although I still want to be beautiful, sexy, and successful, those things in themselves don’t seem to be enough to motivate me to put in the hard work that it takes to lose weight and maintain it.

So I’ve been struggling. I haven’t been able to find the inspiration and the motivation to get back on the wagon. Terrible eating habits and nights on the couch in my PJs are my daily routine again.

Also part of my daily routine, especially at this time of year, are a major lack of motivation, incredible feelings of laziness, always, always feeling exhausted, and some feelings of anxiety, overwhelmness, and hopelessness. Not to mention headaches, bloating, gas and a multitude of digestive problems. Ugh.

Why did it take me so long to link the two?

For the first time, in my decades-long journey of weight loss, I have finally found a source of inspiration that I believe could be a real turning point in my life. It’s like a giant, golden light bulb has gone off and what I have been looking for for years, is suddenly here, loud and clear.

I have a new, and significant, reason to want to eat better and exercise. Because now I know that doing those two things will impact my life in ways I may have experienced but never really understood before. Fueling my body with healthy foods and exercising won’t just make me “skinny” and “self-confident”, it will directly impact my mental health and in essence, my overall life.

It will give me energy again. It will give me the fuel I need to make it through the day. It will alleviate my headaches and prevent me from feeling so tired by 4 p.m that I don’t want to do anything but bury myself under a blanket and never come out or cry. It will help to heal my digestive issues, build physical strength to prevent achy legs and hips, and take away the bloating and gas I so often deal with. It will improve my self-confidence and drive me to want to improve other areas of my life. It will fill me with positive self-talk and help me to be kinder, more gentle, and more patient with others – all things I want so desperately in my life but often don’t have the energy for.

I still can’t believe I never understood this before!

Many times my husband has told me that he thought I was “happier” during the few years in my life when I had met my goal weight, was working out like crazy, and eating on plan. For so long, I disagreed with him. I even wrongly perceived his comment. I took it as his way of saying that he prefers me to be skinny rather than overweight. I would shrug off his comment with the argument that I am just as happy now as I was back then.

But now I finally realize what he meant. It doesn’t mean that I am unhappy now. It’s just that the habits I had established then had such a direct impact on all aspects of my life. It’s that eating well and working out regularly affects you in so many ways that I didn’t even realize it. Yes, it’s possible to be happy without diet and exercise in your life, but it’s so much easier to be happy with those things.

For the last several months I have wallowed in self-pity and guilt. I have felt discouraged and was searching desperately for reasons to justify my lack of healthy eating and working out. And now I can so clearly see that all that was doing was bringing more negativity into my life.

So finally, finally, finally I feel like I have found my motivation again. I have always known that eating healthy foods and exercising is important but I just couldn’t find the inspiration to do it. Now that it is so obvious to me the direct impact they have on my mental health (and overall well-being) it doesn’t seem so daunting. And although a new year is just around the corner, and it’d be so easy to say I’ll just start then, this new reason to want to get healthy doesn’t seem like something that can wait. It needs to happen now. And I can’t wait to get started!

A Long and Slow Journey Forward

June 19, 20161 Comment

“Just a friendly reminder that you CAN reach your goals, but it takes time and persistence. I can’t tell you how many times people expect to see drastic changes in a week or a month or even 6 months. Stop focussing on the end result and start focusing on the lifestyle. The people you see online, including myself, have been at this for years. Remember that.” ~ @bskyfitness (Instagram)

It’s one of the things I love most about social media – aimlessly scrolling through posts, when suddenly you find something that really hits home. Well, this afternoon, the quote stated above did just that. It spoke to me, giving me a reminder that I really needed today – that the super fit people I see on social media are not overnight sensations – they’ve been working hard for a long time to get where they are at.

My motivation has taken a nosedive lately. I have an internal battle each day with myself. I know I should be eating better and exercising a lot harder, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve been eating quite badly, not tracking in my food journal, and doing the bare minimum as far as workouts go. Yet, every day I look in the mirror, and want to lose weight. I want to be smaller again – to look good, and to wear, smaller and cuter clothes (especially now that it’s summer). I want to be fit and strong and ripped. I want others to see me as an inspiration. I want to feel healthier and have more energy and know I am giving my body the best that I can. But for some reason, I just can’t bring myself to do it.

Today, I am feeling a sense of motivation coming back though. My husband has been eating extremely healthy this week (tons of raw fruits and veggies and cutting back drastically on sugar). He said after a few days, he is already feeling better (plus, he’s down 8 lbs – it’s so unfair how quickly men can lose weight!). The fact that my husband is eating better has also inspired my 12-year-old stepson who struggles with his own junk food and sugar addiction (poor child is just like me!) And now, as I see my son want to eat better, my motivation increases too – after all, what’s more motivating than being a healthy role model for your children?

But one of the struggles I often face is the challenge of not seeing results fast enough. I scroll through social media admiring the tight, fit bodies of others and want the same results. It’s not necessarily that I compare myself to these girls, but I certainly want what they have. But too often I forget to think of the extremely hard work, persistence, and dedication it takes to get those bodies. I forget to think of the type of lifestyles people with those bodies have (and it certainly doesn’t involve very much ice cream, French fries, or long afternoons on the couch!)

Most importantly, I have to remind myself that it takes time to get there. Losing weight is a long journey. New, healthier habits aren’t established over night. It takes trial and error to figure out what works for you and it takes persistence and time to turn those things into an overall lifestyle. It takes conscious decision-making each and every day. It takes learning to pick yourself up when you fall and get right back on the wagon. The weight loss journey is certainly not an easy one but it is a possible one. With time, effort, persistence, and a hell of a lot of hard work. With learning not to compare yourselves to where others are on their journey but to honour yourself where you’re at and to keep pushing forward.

I need to remember that, not just today, but every day. I need to know that reaching goals may not be easy, but it’s certainly possible. More importantly, I need to lay off the ice cream, lace up my Nikes, and start pushing myself further in the right direction!

Hot and Miserable: Why Being Overweight in the Summer Sucks

May 23, 2016Leave a comment

Well it’s been a rough couple of weeks in the “back on track” department. I haven’t exactly been eating on plan and have been slacking big-time with my workouts. But today, something happened that has me re-motivated and ready to get back on track, again.

Before I tell you what happened today, let me take you back to a day last summer when I experienced a pretty big wake-up call. My husband and I were on our annual trip to Toronto to celebrate our wedding anniversary. Our hotel was located about a 20-30- minute walk from the Rogers Centre where we were going to see our favourite team, the Toronto Blue Jays. Upon arrival at the hotel, we were notified that the elevators were broken and we’d have to carry our luggage up several flights of steep stairs. This task was so difficult for me (because I had allowed myself to get so incredibly out of shape) that my husband ended up having to carry all of our luggage, while I still struggled to make it up the stairs. After that fiasco, we set out on foot to head to the Blue Jays game. Well it was a 40-degree day admist the concrete jungle of Toronto where the humidity rises to well above the actual temperature. In the air-conditioned comfort of our hotel room, I had foolishly chosen to wear dark denim capris, sandals, and my Jays jersey (made from extremely heavy, non-breathable material!) Let me get to the point, and say that that walk was torture. I started sweating immediately upon stepping foot outside. I could feel sweat dripping from everywhere – making my hairline wet, rolling down my back, and soaking my clothes. I felt terrible. I hate being hot and throughout that entire walk I was so miserable. Once we arrived, I made my husband force his way through the packed Jays shop in hopes of finding a lightweight tank I could fit into. Unfortunately the crowds inside made my condition even more unbearable and we finally opted to just find our seats, which thankfully, were in the shade.

All smiles even after I sweated my way to the stadium!

The whole point of this is to say that this experience was a major wake-up call for me. Summers are hard when you are overweight and out of shape. Sweating from everywhere makes you feel gross (and you’re probably already struggling with self-acceptance, as I was) and the heat caused by excess body fat, simply makes you miserable. I realized then that had I not let myself get so out of shape both climbing the stairs at the hotel, and walking on a hot summer day, would not have been such miserable tasks. This revelation, of course, just made me feel more miserable as I began wallowing in frustration and disappointment.

So what does all this have to do with today? So far it’s been a decent spring. We’ve had plenty of 20-degree days where it feels amazing to be outside and it makes me feel excited for summer. But what day did my husband and I choose to leave all of our outside jobs to? The hottest day of the spring so far. Today it was 30-degrees and just doing the simplest job (ie. Washing patio furniture) was completely exhausting. The heat felt unbearable and I wanted nothing more to escape it. This was frustrating because I had intended to get a whole lot of work done outside today (our yard always needs it badly after a long winter) but I just couldn’t take the heat. Once again, I came to realize that if I wasn’t so overweight and was eating better and working out more regularly, these sort of tasks probably wouldn’t be so arduous.

But instead of being angry with myself this time (which I am trying hard not to do – although it isn’t easy), I am trying to take this reminder of that terrible day last summer and let it be my motivation. I am tired of being so miserably hot and out of shape in the summer. I am tired of not having enough energy and suffering headaches due to bad eating habits.

As of today, our annual Toronto trip is about 10 weeks away. That’s 10 weeks to change my diet and get back to working out. It’s only been three weeks since I fell off track of my latest attempt and I am determined not to let these three weeks off the wagon become three months. I understand that I won’t always be “perfect”, but I also have to realize when something needs to be done, and do something about it.

So, I’m starting with soccer practice tonight. It’s still extremely hot out and I haven’t played in several years, so I am fully expecting this practice to be brutal. But I am going to honour where my body is at today, and I am going to push it just a little past where it comfortably wants to go. That, and I am going to drink lots, and lots, and lots of water. Wish me luck, I am certainly going to need it!

Morning Workouts

April 30, 2016April 30, 20167 Comments

I discovered something about myself this morning. I realized that I am not a morning person. At least not when it comes to working out.

It’s true, I don’t have much difficulty when my alarm goes off on a work day. I do hit snooze a couple times, but once my feet hit the floor, I go through my normal routine pretty easily, and by the time I arrive at work an hour later, I’m not even thinking about my bed anymore.

But when it comes to setting an alarm, to get up and work out, it just doesn’t seem to be working for me. I’ve tried it a few Saturday’s now – set my alarm for 7:45 (allowing for a couple snoozes), to be at the gym for 9:00 AM. I’m able to get myself out of bed and get myself there but despite the loud music, heavy weights, and overall energy of the other people in the class, I just can’t get my head into the game that early in the day.

So I’ve decided to skip the Saturday morning 9AM Body Pump class and readjust my schedule. I’ll go back to hitting the Friday evening class instead so that Saturday morning I can lounge around my house taking it easy before I really start my day. So that’ll mean Body Pump Monday, Wednesdady and Friday evenings, yoga Tuesday evenings, and then on the weekends, I’ll stick to running since it’s flexible enough that I can go whenever it suits me.

Again, it’s all about figuring out what works for you. The idea of getting up early on the weekend to get a workout in before starting my day sounds extremely appealing to me. It’s something I wish I could do. But it’s just not working. As my favourite author Gretchen Rubin would say, I have to accept that what works for others, doesn’t mean it will work for me.

And with that, I am going back to my Saturday (late) morning coffee and possibly later, a nap.

Learning To Run… Again

April 24, 20161 Comment

It’ll be six years next month that I first met a goal I never thought I’d accomplish. It’ll be six years next month since I ran my first 10k marathon.

The race was in Ottawa and it was an experience I will never forget. I had spent months teaching myself to run, had ran a couple of 5ks, had experienced the runner’s high, and had extended my goal to 10k. I still remember the training day when I ran one straight hour without stopping to walk. I was nearly in tears. Me, a forever non-runner, had taught myself to run. I could run for one hour without stopping. The feeling was exhilarating.

So on a sunny and humid evening in May of 2010, I joined nearly ten thousand other runners for Ottawa Race Weekend’s 10k marathon. The run was hard (and I stopped to walk a few times) but the exhilaration of crossing that finish line was something I’ll never forget. I had done it. I was a runner. And even though my time wasn’t really fast, I felt just as credible as every other runner in that race. Everywhere around the grounds afterward were people sporting their finisher medals but I think I may have been wearing mine most proudly. My amazing friends and husband (then boyfriend) greeted me with a bouquet of flowers afterwards and then we went out dancing all night as a celebration. It was incredible.

My friend Jason and I after completing my first ever 10k

The following year, I ran the race again. My time was a couple minutes slower but this time I was thrilled that I had run the entire 10k without walking! They had also changed the route so that we ran alongside Ottawa’s beautiful Rideau Canal. It was a cool summer evening and the sun shining over the water was gorgeous. Thousands of people lined the race route handing out water, cheering us on, and holding up signs with hilarious and encouraging messages. Again, my boyfriend, friends and I threw a massive celebration afterwards and I went home with another shiny finisher’s medal.

Proudly sporting my finisher’s medal after the Ottawa 10k in 2011

Another time I felt amazing after a race was in 2011 when I ran a 5k race here in my hometown and placed 2nd in my age category. Albeit there were only six women in my category altogether, but the opportunity to stand on the podium and be presented with the “silver” medal felt extremely rewarding! Another proud moment in my books.

Silver medalist on the podium in 2012

I continued to run into 2012 but was soon hit by an illness that pretty much halted my running altogether. That year, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and went through a series of tests and medications until I finally found one that worked. While I’m happy to say I’ve now been in remission from colitis for three years, I never did get back into running.

Until today.

Today, I laced up my old Nikes, downloaded a new “running” list, plugged my earphones into my ears, and started Day 1 of my new “learn-to-run” program. It was certainly an easy one (six intervals of run 30 seconds, walk 3 minutes) but just the old feeling of being out there in my running gear, pounding the pavement, felt amazing. I felt like my old self again. My old, athletic self. The self of six years ago who crossed that finish line in Ottawa with soaring levels of confidence, pride, and self-love.

And despite it only being Run 1 of a 13-week program, the old feelings that came back to me today caused my motivation to soar. In my mind, I’m already registering for races, conquering distances, and meeting personal best times. I can’t wait!

Happy Running!

Kelly Malley

Inspire. Uplift. Empower.

Tag: fitness